it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
