i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize