New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
