Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
