Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize