I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
