Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
