hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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