my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
