you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
