Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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