someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
