Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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