During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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