i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
