just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
