Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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