you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
