He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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