took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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