It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize