Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
