Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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