you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
