OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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