No awkward lesbian experiences without me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
