Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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