So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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