I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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