Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
