is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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