Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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