May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
