i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
