if i can run in heels then i can drive
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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