I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
