i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
