false alarm. still invincible.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
