If that was your dad, he is hot
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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