FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
