i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize