If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
