I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
