My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
