Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
