does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
