it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
