I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
