I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
