I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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