I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
