just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
