Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm really busy with my period
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