Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
