I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
