I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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