someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
