3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just googled if crying burns calories
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize