sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
