My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
