so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
