my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
