He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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