i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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