I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
