nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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