i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
