I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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