The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
