are you so shy because you have an std?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
