You're completely useless in the revolution.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
