so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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