she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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