somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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