He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
