I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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