i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
