i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
