dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
