sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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