One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
