i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
sarcasm needs its own font
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
