you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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