Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I wear drunk well.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
