our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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