We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
