I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
