i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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