I skipped work to stalk him.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
