woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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