There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Your penis caused this!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
