I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
