I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
