so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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