Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
