At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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