this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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