woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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