I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
