I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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