btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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