her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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