8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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