It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
