So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
As shirtless as possible
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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