im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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