god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
