I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
